"After all this time?" "Always." // "the last enemy to be defeated is death"

Disclaimer: if you do not like Harry Potter, there is no point in you reading this entry. I completely nerd out.

I have been thinking about Harry Potter a lot lately (more so than usual) for a couple of reasons.

01. Half Blood Prince came to theaters (you have been living under a rock if you did not know this.)

02. I recently (as in yesterday) finished rereading Deathly Hallows.

I am thinking mostly about Snape. In my opinion, he is one of the greatest characters in the series, if not the greatest. I really admire his love for Lily. When I read The Prince's Tale chapter, I am completely blown away again and again. The compassionate, romantic Snape has never before been exposed to the readers, but it still fits. It suddenly all makes sense. Besides finding out that he is indeed with the Light, we find out so much truth about his core character. It is even clear in his dying action: looking Harry in the eyes. Lily's eyes.

Dumbledore always said it was love that protected Harry. Voldemort never believed it and Harry rarely did. Love did protect Harry: Lily's love for Harry, supplemented by Snape's love for Lily. Even though, to Snape, Harry was the symbol of everything he had wanted. Harry is a representation of Lily's love for someone else. Snape had every reason to detest Harry- the son he never had with Lily. Despite that, Snape continued risking his life for love. Maybe he thought that he owed it to Lily; to protect what she loved was to protect her memory.

Oh, Snape. I hope to someday love as you did.

-----Completely Different Topic, While Still HP Related-----

Remus Lupin has the crappiest life of all the characters who I've contemplated so far, and he handles it really poorly.

In school, he was sort of the less cool counterpart to James and Sirius, his only dignity coming from the fact that he was (and always is) 10x cooler than Peter Pettigrew.

He grows up and James is murdered.

For 13 years, he believes his other best friend to be a murderer, and even if he wasn't, Sirius would still be locked up in Azkaban.

Even when THAT is cleared up, Sirius dies two years later.

Meanwhile, Peter Pettigrew just continues to be a douche bag Death Eater in Voldemort's pocket.

Then he marries Nymphadora Tonks, which is cool, except for how he doesn't really love her 100%.

Harry, then, calls him out on his crappy behavior so Remus knows he can't hide behind his "for the cause" attitude.

AND! during all of this, he is a werewolf, a lifestyle accompanied by terrible stigma.

Things start to look up for Remus. He has a kid and seems pretty pleased about it.

Though he doesn't know it, things against Voldemort are going pretty great, relatively speaking.

And then he goes and dies. Talk about a crappy life. It makes me sad to think about.

His happy ending, though, is in death, I suppose. He is on with all of those who died before him: James, Sirius, Lily, Tonks. This sounds trippy, but I think that when I have accepted that death actually happens to people, I will understand more of who Remus Lupin is and be able to look on his life with hope that things are better for him.

"Time you enjoy wasting was not wasted." - John Lennon

I really like that quote- in terms of wasting time with other people. Hanging out with friends vs working on homework, for example. Every late night paper has been worth the time I spent with other people- even if just at the time.

What about the other time I waste? When I open my Internet browser, this is what happens:

01. facebook.

02. elmhurst e-mail.

03. mugglenet.

04. f my life.

05. gives me hope.

06. texts from last night.

07. found magazine. (1x daily)

08. a softer world. (1x daily)

09. youtube (for subscriptions).

10. twitter.

11. yahoo e-mail.

12. postsecret (on Sundays).

How much time do I waste every day looking at daily update things? FML, GMH, and TFLN update multiple times daily! What could I be doing instead? Does it really matter how fcked up some one's life is? Seeing those FML's remind me how much better my life is than a lot of people.

It also makes me think of what other people might say:

"Today, my mother died from HIV/AIDS. FML."

"Today, my children couldn't eat because my job was outsourced. FML."

"Today, I was late for work because I was hungover and slept through my alarm. This will be the third job I lose this month. FML."

"Today, my daughter won't get her prescription medication because my health insurance fell through. FML."

Instead of reading about peoples fcked up lives, I could be working toward fixing ^those^ problems in the world. I could be researching advocacy groups and non-profit organizations. How much of my life am I willing to waste?

It's so easy to forget how fortunate and privileged I am. It is easy to just say "well I'm doing more than a lot of people, so I'm good." This is a poem I'm really in to:

When they came for the communists,

I remained silent;

I was not a communist.

Then they locked up the social democrats,

I remained silent;

I was not a social democrat.

Then they came for the trade unionists,

I did not protest;

I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews,

I did not speak out;

I was not a Jew.

When they came for me,

there was no one left to speak out for me.

There is so much more for me to do. I hope I can realize it.

"Never doubt that a small group of dedicated people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." - Margaret Mead

The "leadership" part of the leadership academy at lancaster theological seminary always threw me off, until we found out that it was for us. us, the peer mentors. us, shawn ashley andrew omo nelson ashley megan and ally.

The instant I set foot onto the campus at lts, I feel God. "It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you. There's nothing that 100 men or more could ever do". God is in me, with me, surrounding me. I look for God in my actions and consciously try and put God there for others to see. My other experiences with leadershipnow had let me find God for the first time. They had let others guide me to God, which is fine. Following, to me, is a key part of faith. I have always followed others to God. I realized during one of our staff meetings that I had never truly sought God myself. When I was away from lts, I felt "off duty". That I was a Christian who could find God when it was really necessary- but it was only necessary when I deemed it so.

I have since realized that God requires so much from me and in return, I require that much more from myself. Lts is the place I consistently experience God, but that does not mean that that is the only place God is. It is possible to find God other places. It is hard to say that and mean it, since it hasn't happened with strong frequency. I don't think I can expect God to just show up whenever I need God to. It is my responsibility, and desire, to factor God into every equation of my life. I may not be working with or surrounded by other Christians, but that doesn't mean God can't be there, too.

I am reconsidering seminary. I really believe that Christianity can be such a strong motivation to do good in the world when exercised in the way we are commissioned. Feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, looking after the sick. If I believe that, it would make sense for me to pursue outlets that can help me further that belief. Plus, religious education is really interesting to me. It is the most interesting thing to me. I mean, I look up religious debates on theinternet for fun. Also, I've been informed of a program at eden where you get your masters of divinity and (partnered with another school in st louis) masters of social work at the same time in four years. It would be intense, but it would be both things I have thought about at the same time. There is a lot of discerning to be done.

One of my greatest mentors always says of the quote titling this entry that she wants to be a part of that small group, and I agree with her. Between my experiences at lts and in the rest of the world, I think we can do it. And I do want to be in on that.