Things of Late

01. Two exams, four essays, one presentation left: spread over 3 days of class.

02. Christina and I are in McDonald's and a little Ecuadorian girl says "hi girls" as she passes the first time, "hi girls again" the second.

03. We meet Marco from Germany. We proceed to prepare him his first ever s'more. He proceeds to eat 3 of them.

04. Quito floods- people evacuated from the Trolebús via little raft. Photo here.

05. The power goes out on our block because of aforementioned flood. I am showering, with shampoo in my hair and half of one leg shaved.

06. A lady is parked (literally) on the street corner. To my friend Juliana I say, "seriously?" The lady is right there and says "I'm sorry!" I see her son in the car and say "qué lindo!" (how pretty). I subsequently become the most awkward person of her day.

07. I pay a 25¢ bus fare with fifteen pennies and two nickels.

08. I take an Ecuadorian school bus a third of the way to school. For free.

09. I get irrationally possessive of the host family who is also wearing on me.

10. I register for my last fall semester of undergraduate work.

11. I become increasingly convinced that I will be the owner of a Mac before the end of summer.

12. I spend more than I earn in a month on gifts and souvenirs.

Ok I'm sick of writing like that haha. I really just want this semester to be finished (academically) and I am getting anxious to return to the U.S. but I also know I will cry my face off saying goodbye to my host family. I go back 4 weeks from today. By this time, I will be having Chinese food with my parents. I will go home and sleep in my own bed. I will get up the next day, get a hair cut then have lunch with Julie&Des&Laura. Then I will visit work, and the Niebuhr Center, and the Chaplain's Office. Then I will look for my roommate. I will ride my bike home alone in the dark and not be worried or scared. I am anxious for this..

I am beginning to dislike my volunteer work. It is strenuous to get up and go to work three times a week. I dislike being told the flowers I picked out are ugly. I dislike cutting my fingers when I prepare the vegetables. I especially don't like how I'm not convinced I made a damn bit of difference in the lives of the people I fed for 3 months. I am upset with my program coordinator for not having us write journals and cause us to make something out of this experiences. I am frustrated at the organization where I volunteer for not being more organized and having other things for me to do. I am, in general, just tired of this. Is it because I am not working toward justice?

I am also wondering if it is a spiritual thing. Lent has pretty much been nonexistent in my life while here. I have really not engaged with God in the ways I had hoped I would while here. The first time I prayed in a long time was when I found out Tucker (my dog) was showing signs of getting older and I asked God to help him wait until I got home so I could see him one more time. Between the service work I am doing and simply being in a new place, I anticipated being in a much different spiritual place at this point in my life. I'm not saying it's Gods fault; and I'm not necessarily saying it's my fault, either. All I feel confident in is the spiritual activity I will have when I return to a church community upon my return to the U.S.

So, I guess I am feeling a lot all at once but I also feel kind of disengaged from it.. I have my days and..there they are. I am running out of energy. I don't exactly know where to find it, either. Based on my last paragraph, you'd think I'd know the answer to that problem. I'll chug through the next four weeks and see where I end up.

Vlog

and these could be the happiest days of my life

There are not a lot of Ecua days left. It is kind of getting me down lately. I don't know how I want to feel. I love Ecuador. I am in love with Ecuador. I love the people, even when they annoy or scare me. I love the food, even after the fifth day in a row of having rice. I love the buses, even though they pollute the environment more than ten million aerosol cans. I love doing my laundry and hanging it up on the roof, even if that means nervously getting down to my last pair of underpants. I love the weather, even when I have the annoyance of carrying around a rain coat I won't use. I love the language, even when I have to ask my host family to repeat their sentences two and three times. I love my classes, even though I usually only understand about 80% of what is going on.

I am learning so much here, about myself and about others. I love that I can travel with such ease. It would appear that I'm going to be working intensely on spring break plans; I'm learning how to do all these things on my own. I learn how to ask for help even when I am scared to do so. I am learning how to have bad days and know that they are still a valuable part of my experience. Last night, I left my phone at the bar and I didn't freak out when I couldn't find it. I knew that it would all be alright. While I learned the phrase keep calm and carry on in England, I am learning how to live it in Ecuador. Things happen, but you just have to roll with the punches and work with what you've got.

It's easy for me to be frustrated. There are times when I ask a taxi driver if they know where a certain intersection or place is, and he says yes, and then proceeds to not know exactly where he's going. Or when my shades will not open for the life of me. Or when I trip over the comforter that is about twice as big as my bed. It's easy for me to get annoyed (at myself and others) when I can't convey what I want to say, especially when I feel like I have explained myself very clearly and they still miss the point (cough cough culture professor).

I know this is all over the place, but I just have so many feelings! I think putting them away is just a bad idea. All I really know is that I will not be here much longer and that is terrifying and exciting at the same time.