There is too much going on. I will not list everything that is overwhelming me because that will cause me to feel selfish and obnoxious. All I can say is that I have no idea how I get here and how to get myself out. There is no time to take a break. There is no time to catch up. Deadlines are deadlines regardless of how I am feeling, or what is going on in my life. There will always be people to disappoint no matter how hard I'm trying. There will always be people who don't get my values or understand where I'm coming from. The success of my life is not a continuum. There is not 100% of me to allocate to class, Ministry Team, SLC, Illuminae, BGG, admissions and whatever else I happen to be doing. I need to give 100% to all of those things. I do not know how to do that.
I want to live alone. I want to control my academic life and my social life. I want to be able to see people when I can (and want to). I want to choose. I want to be able to go home and cry, or not do dishes, and never vacuum unless company is coming over. I want to be able to do a good job. I need to do a good job and I feel like I can't right now. I do not know what to do. There are too many things to put on a list. 31 e-mails in my inbox, which is a lot for me. I usually have about 4, because I take care of them and put them in their folder.
I want to be any place but inside my head.
