Ecua Thoughts

Well, here I am, shockingly soon.

I was thinking today. I have forgotten what life feels like in the United States. It’s actually quite weird. I forgot what I do on the weekends, how I spend my time. I forgot how to procrastinate the same ways I always have (not to say I don’t procrastinate anymore). I have forgotten what it is like to always understand what is going on around me. I don’t remember (or maybe I have unlearned?) how to manipulate situations to make myself look better. [I’m actually hoping that one will stick…]

I think what I am feeling is humbled. Here, I am not always in control. I have learned how to be a student in a class, not a person who feels above doing homework. I do need to study, do my homework, manage my time. Here, school is coming first. While my classes are not always super, I always do the homework and try to do it well. Not being a master of the language has changed a lot of the way I live my life. I actually need to know the content of my courses because I can’t fluff up essays or quizzes like I could in English. I actually listen in class because if I don’t, I could miss something crucial to the lesson. Essentially, I have been reminded that I am only a person who still has a lot of learning to do, about a lot of things.

I mentioned a little bit about language; I’m kind of nervous to go back to the United States in 74 days. I am realizing that I am in love with Spanish. I want to speak it all day every day. I want to listen to it and talk with people in it. I am so scared that once I get back to the States, I will lose my language. [Shameless plug: if anyone would like to solely speak in Spanish together, please let me know.] I know I will need to make a serious effort to keep up with Spanish and keep learning, especially since I will have completed my major after this semester. Listening to Spanish music or watching tv/movies in Spanish is totally different (for me) than speaking and engaging the language. This will be a challenge, but I want it.

I also am feeling a little … unsettled in my Ecua home. There is nothing wrong with my lifestyle here, just more for me to learn. My apartment literally looks like a Pier One catalog. No one has their stuff anywhere; everything has a place, and if your things aren’t hidden away, it looks shockingly off. This is quite different from what I am used to. If anyone saw my bedroom (ever), one would see posters and pictures and things that individualize me all over the place. That’s something about the Ecua culture that I’m learning more about- collectivism. Just another challenge, but sometimes it gets to me. This morning, for example, I hung my towel over the shower curtain rod to dry properly (normally it hangs on my closet door handle). When I got home today, it was hung back on my door handle. I just didn’t understand why it needed to be moved when no one showered in that bathroom after I left today, no one was home during the day to see it, and we keep the bathroom doors closed almost all the time anyway. I am a person who likes a little mess in her life. It’s been a challenge to learn to live in a very clean, organized way. I will be anxious to see how I balance this in my own place when I get back to the States.

Logistically, I have one more day of both class and volunteering this week. I’ll likely end up leaving volunteering a little early on Friday. This weekend is extended (Monday and Tuesday off from school) to celebrate Carnaval, which is similar to Mardi Gras celebrations. Some of us are heading to a beach for the weekend, pending availability of bus tickets! Carnaval is a huge weekend here, so many people already have tickets. Hopefully we’ll get something worked out. Next week, I have some tests, presentations, and essays happening. It’ll be busy, but I hope to tackle it with a good attitude.

Love to you all.