Why Rape Culture Is The Worst

Last night, I was walking from a meeting to the bart station.  I walked past two men who were standing outside a fast food restaurant.  One of them said, “hello.” I looked up, gave a half smile (because I value looking at people who address me, affirming their humanity,) and kept walking.  He said, “what? you can’t even say hi?”  I said, “hello” and kept walking.  He said, “you lookin’ cute today.” I said “thank you” without looking and kept walking.  A handful of minutes later, a block from the train station, we met at the same street corner.  The same man said, “ohhh you again!” and kept walking with his friend toward the train station. I crossed the road, went a block, did a lap around a convenience store, and then went out and back toward the train.

The strongest sense of fear overcame me in those moments.  Every terrifying ‘what if’ scenario played through my head and was enclosed within my body.  I felt like I did not have a choice to but to say hi back to a man who made me uncomfortable and I feared what would happen if I did not respond to his “compliment.”

The feminist in me is so angry, so awake.  It knows that no man, no person, is entitled to my body, to talk to me that way without my consent as I pass by.  I do not owe him, or anyone, a response about my appearance.

And yet I feel myself wanting to say, “I was just wearing jeans and a sweater.” To defend myself. To prove that I wasn’t ‘asking for it.’  I do not believe that the victims of the male gaze need to defend themselves this way.  It doesn’t matter what a person is wearing; no person, no woman, deserves to be regarded this way.

The fear I felt was so overwhelming. My eyes filled with tears the entire train ride home, not escaping my eyes until my bestfriend recognized and said, “you have cry eyes.” I was back in my own city and still crossed the street when I saw other people coming down the block- for fear that they were like the man who commented to me.. who recognized me at a busy intersection.

Rape culture is real. This will happen to me again. This, and so much worse happens to women every.single.day. It has got to stop.