Let's Do Some Processing

Hello, friends!

Things I've told you so far in this blog:

01. I made it.

02. My address. (WINK.)

03. I survived my first day of school.

04. Advice to anyone thinking of studying abroad.

05. Details about my classes.

I've noticed that I haven't exactly dedicated an entry to how I feel, how I'm doing. So that is where this entry comes in. Apologies if it seems all over the place; welcome to my life as of the last 3 weeks.

Someone asked me today how things have been so far. I give it a 5/10. Don't be downtrodden, friends. It's a rising 5. There have been some frustrations, which I will share, but there have also been some great moments that will turn into the things I remember most.

So, there are frustrations with my program. It's to the point where I've started keeping a list of things I need to write on the evaluation form which I assume I will get at the end of my time here. There are 5 students who will complete this program in the Galapagos Islands, and 2 of us that will complete it in Quito. This is one of the smallest turn outs from this program about which I have heard. There are times when I feel like an after thought to the people whose job it is to handle my presence in Ecuador. While I am growing to understand the circular sense of time here, I still have trouble with it when my program coordinator calls my home at 9:00 am to tell me we have a meeting at noon that day. I feel like there will be continued problems, and I have been encouraged to (frankly) advocate for myself. At this point, though, I have gotten over whatever conflict there has been by the end of whatever day it happened.

Simultaneously, I am very excited because my interview for my service placement is tomorrow. When in the meeting and asked about my interests for the placement, I somehow threw up the words "adultos mas viejos". Old people; geriatrics. I have never worked in geriatrics in my entire life. Yet, somehow (God?), those words felt correct, felt good. I'll update again when I have more information about my service work.

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I have been struggling socially. I am the only student at USFQ from Elmhurst College, and one of two students utilizing my program in Quito. For the first week or so that I was here, I felt like I was in survivor mode. I forgot that I had social skills and could make friends. There are large groups of students from Boston, Michigan, and other places. I've found it difficult (since the first time I saw students at the Quito gate in the airport) to simply approach anyone and say "hi, people tell me I'm cool. wanna be friends?" I have been okay on my own until about now. It's been nice to have some alone time to decompress, especially after (what felt like) a very demanding semester in the fall. The good news is, I am working on it. I won't say a lot here just in case Ecuador exchange students creep my blog, but I feel that there are many opportunities for potential, and I anticipate that I will be social soon enough.

I can say, with joy, that my host family has been nothing but kind and patient with me. Any frustrations I feel are with myself not being able to communicate the way I one day hope to. They make my meals, take me shopping, help me find the right words when I struggle to find them. My mom washed my sheets and made my bed today; my dad made some fresh, warm lemonade (which I think is actually limeade?) and brought it to me in my room while I wrote this. I really enjoy being in their lives, and I think I have already underestimated their impact on my time here.

People ask me if I miss Elmhurst. I'll tell you what I do miss: living on campus. Class starts for me at 8:30 am. I leave my house circa 7:15, so I get up around 6:30. That is much earlier than I would like! It also takes me a while to get home, and I must do so before dark. I have to leave campus around 4, 4:30 at the latest to do so comfortably. (side note: I took the wrong bus home yesterday and ended up just getting off and taking a taxi instead) So, yes, I miss the freedom I have of living safely in Elmhurst, but I think there is a lot for me to learn while being forced to manage my time differently here.

I'll be real. I am worried about money. Let me be clear: this is not me asking for donations to my Ecuador fund. I did that at Christmas. I am just saying that there are so many opportunities here, and I want to make sure I am taking advantage of them wisely. I am hoping my financial aid processes quickly, but I am almost certain that won't happen to the middle of the semester (aka after I want to plan a trip to Galapagos). I just need to budget a bit better; I've splurged some on the $1 ice cream on the way home, and the $3 bagel/lemonade combo a few times. It won't sound like a lot, but it adds up quite quickly. I can bring some lunch from home.. some bread and fruit. Maybe get ice cream every couple of weeks, not once a week. We will see.

I would comment on my spiritual life here, but it's not really happening. I've been to mass a couple times with my family, and there's something beautiful about scripture in Spanish. Simultaneously, I am recognizing how much I value my protestant (specifically, UCC) ties. Jesus on a cross in the front of the sanctuary reminds me of how much I can't do in life, or how much I can't be. The empty cross reminds me of how much I can do with new life, new hope. I wonder if I will find God in the Amazon, in nature, or in other people. I hope to. I think I need to quit hoping God will find me and start putting God in the important aspects of my life. A relationship is still made of parts, regardless of how much more amazing one part is over the other.

So, thank you to those who read this whole thing. I hope you can see now how I mean my experience is a rising 5/10, with so much potential to grow into an experience I will value for the rest of my life. I love you all, and appreciate your support.